I sit here in dark silence

I sit here in silence,
While others scream their thoughts at me
Expecting response,
Not my marionette replies.
I am never alone, but always alone
How can that be?
How can love surrounded me
Yet I still sit here alone?

God I hate this silence
This shattered existence of clotted dreams
Of ragged thoughts and half-dreamt joys
The soundless sighs and noiseless screams
The haunted corridors of Self.

I sit here in silence
Choking on my thoughts
Pretending they aren’t broken
Encrusted welts scab over
Appear healed
Yet I can still feel the blood
Congealing
Weeping crimson..

Don’t judge a book by its cover
But how do we judge ourselves?
Do we try to see what others see
Or what we perceive from inside looking out?

Confidence… self-contained… rational…
Or
Broken… disfigured.. emotional screams?

Will I ever be the papua?
Cocooned in silken garb
Internal miracles taking place
Preparing to be transformed?

Will I feel connected to my loving friends?
Not to feel alone despite their love?
I can only pray…

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